im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
