My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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