fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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