You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
