saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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