I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
