Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
