so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
