Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
