This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
