Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
