okay pat passed out under dana's car
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
