its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Actions speak louder than pants.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
