Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
