He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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