Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Randomize
