thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish I only lived at night.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
