It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
