do herpes really smell.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
