I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
