Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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