Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
