I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
