So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
