Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
