well I can't set my house on fire every night
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
