I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
