take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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