I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
