I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
