Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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