I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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