Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
