a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
