does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Im just a social blackout drinker.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
