I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
