i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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