Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
