She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
