i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
