Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
