I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
