Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
How external is "for external use only"?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
