I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
