I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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