You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
