I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
