HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
