"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
