he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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