You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
