LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
