oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
