Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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