Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
