Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
