I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
